13.3.08

Three Long Days

Today has been one of the hardest days I have had in about four years.
This difficulty is attributable to a few different things: it is a peak time for the symptoms of my illness, I am physically sick as well, and I ingested concentrated THC about three days ago.
My brain is all out of wack.
And I feel so alone.
So many of the friendships I built turned out to be made of paper, easily blown about or set afire.
So I sit here, in a five star hotel, with all those material things I always thought I would like (I do), but I am not any happier than I was ten years ago. I may actually be worse off, because I now have other people for which I am somewhat responsible.
Falling apart will let them down.

The happy times are too few and far between...”- The Truth; Handsome Boy Modeling School (featuring Roisin & J -Live)

A while back my doctor gave me an amazing book for borderlines; apparently there is a significant amount of female bipolars who are also borderlines. The book was written by Marsha Linehan and is called Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder.

I think it should be required reading for everyone- we could all benefit from coping skills and strategies for dealing with distress... but the title scares people; they don’t want to be labeled “borderline.” Hey neither do I; I am not some whiny adolescent making superficial cuts in places with no arteries while bargaining for my allowance or whatever.

But the book got me through the past few days.

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